


How Can I Love?

by FluffyK



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Character Study, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:20:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27301807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluffyK/pseuds/FluffyK
Summary: Darkness can't care. Darkness can't feel happy. Above all else, Darkness can't feel love. All Darkness is a shadow and negative emotions. But who really believes that?
Relationships: Sora & Vanitas (Kingdom Hearts), Sora/Vanitas (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36





	How Can I Love?

Rain pounded down onto the roof above, sounding like a thousand footsteps. Thunder clapping in the distance while the lightning flashed across the sky and lit up the dark room through the window. All while, a pair of deep ruby eyes watched Mother Nature go on one of her small rampages through the night. 

A deep sigh escapes Vanitas while he allows himself to close his eyes just for a moment. He already was having trouble trying to sleep as usual, and the storm didn't help the matter. Although, he couldn't deny it was beautiful to watch in its own way.

The way the lightning lit up the islands as it crashed into the expanding ocean with raging waves. The water falling onto the window in front of him, and racing down to the bottom as gravity controlled it. The wind blowing a haunting howl that could send shivers down spines. For a creature of darkness, Vanitas felt slightly at peace from the chaos. 

However, none of it made him relaxed enough to sleep. Too many thoughts still ran through his head since he awoke. He wondered why. Why was he given a second chance he never asked for? What made him worthy of getting it? Vanitas is darkness, and he had accepted it. Growing to want nothing more than to fade away back into the shadows and rid him of his painful existence. 

Yet Vanitas still found himself awake in the desert wasteland he was first born into, after being torn in half from his counterpart. The second Keyblade war was over, and Xehanort defeated. Finally wiped away, Vanitas no longer felt any shackles that kept him bound loyal to his old Master. He was given new eyes, no longer golden, but now his original red ruby colored eyes. He was free, yet still felt pain from living. 

Vanitas was still incomplete in the end, only half a heart. He tried to go to the other, and practically begged in a humiliating fashion to be defeated once more and be brought back into the shadows. Ventus refused however, and only dragged him here to these islands. To  _ Sora _ . 

Vanitas was practically kidnapped as he was forced to move in with the boy. Since then, Sora has tried teaching him all the basics of regular life: Cooking, sleeping, playing, dancing, watching shows or movies, etc. All the things that Vanitas had never gotten to do since Ventus and him were split apart. Or never got to do as far as he could remember before the split. His memories were scattered. 

The pain started to fade away the longer he spent time on this world, and with Sora. By now it's just in the back of his heart, barely noticeable. However, nearly every nightfall, it always crept back up and refused to let him get any sleep. It began to make Vanitas envious of his brother's decade long slumber with how much sleep he was currently missing. 

Opening his eyes back open, Vanitas turned away from the window and swung his legs over the bed. Tucking his hands in the hoodie he had worn since Sora gave him regular clothes. Standing up, he walked out of the guest bedroom that Sora and his parents generously gave once he was accepted to stay. 

Sora's parents. Vanitas felt strange about them. They were obviously slightly unnerved at seeing his face, but after clearing from Sora himself, they were understanding. Va nitas tried and tried again when he first arrived to irritate them, make them upset,  _ hate  _ him. He wanted to have them make their son rid of him. They never did though. All they'd do is deeply sigh and tell him to be better. When Vanitas tried with Sora as well, he only smiled and practically did the same while he did most the work trying to adapt him to normal life. 

Sora was stubborn. Just as stubborn as he was back at the Keyblade Graveyard to get Vanitas to properly stand by their side, not wanting to take being a shadow as an answer. Only this time, Vanitas wasn't fading away from him. This time, Vanitas was forced to stay with the little hero to try and be redeemed. Be given a second chance at life like the Nobody and Puppet, that hid inside Sora with Ventus. 

It's almost funny looking back at all of it because the fact Sora somehow managed to break through in some way. Vanitas wasn't a fool. He noticed how much warmer he got alongside the fading pain. He became less aggressive and loud, throwing insults and such left and right. Now he was more quiet and controlled. Vanitas no longer felt the cruel negative emotions that drove his every motive. He'd even given quite a few genuine smiles. Although, he always found himself smiling only around Sora most of the time. 

Splashing cold water on his face inside the bathroom, Vanitas turned his head up at the mirror to take himself in. There used to be only anger in his face, in his eyes. Now, despite the deep red, his eyes were calm, his face more neutral. 

His face still copied Sora's mostly, but somehow felt different in some way. His face was more slender and pointed compared to Sora's rounded features. Vanitas' skin clearly was more pale than Sora's tan, allowing dark eye bags under his eyes to be more prominent than Sora's that were much more faint. His hair was more pointed and wild than Sora's soft mass of spikes that somehow appeared more organized. 

Pitch black spikes compared to warm caramel chocolate. Deep blue eyes like the ocean and sky, compared to eyes of blood. A bright smile compared to an almost constant frown. The freckles that danced across darker skin, compared to plain pale skin. Those soft lips-

_ Wait.  _

Vanitas blinked before closing his eyes, and shaking his head. Grabbing a towel nearby, he covered his face with it to dry off. 

Why did Sora's lips come to mind? Or any of his features for that matter? Vanitas no longer felt any ill will with sharing the same features of the other, but those thoughts felt forbidden. It felt like some of those stupid movies Sora would show him. People with feelings for eachother, feelings he shouldn't have. Just because he grew to respect Sora more, and tolerated him more than most, doesn't mean he should have feelings like that. 

Growling to himself, Vanitas hung the towel before walking out of the bathroom in the dark. Vanitas never felt any need to turn on the lights when he has his midnight walks around the house. It was dark, and that was his element, he could see through it all. 

_ Sniff _

Vanitas halted in front of Sora's door. 

_ Sniff. Sniff.  _

Crying? 

Vanitas turns his head at the door, decorated with all sorts of trinkets. The sniffing, though quiet and barely heard through the thundering rain, continued on the other side. 

_ Sora was crying.  _

Vanitas always knew Sora hid deep feelings inside his heart. Anxiety, depression, fear and such. The boy always managed to push them all away so easily. However, now Vanitas felt it all pouring out at once. 

Vanitas' eyes flickered down and side to side. What was he supposed to do? Usually he'd just ignore it and just let Sora cry. He'd let anyone just cry, but he couldn't now. 

His feet refused to move any step away from the door. The usual pain in his heart stabbed through him as it demanded him to stay, to go in there while his mind protested. This wasn't him, this wasn't something he's supposed to do-

_ Knock, knock.  _

It was like his hand moved all on its own.The sniffling was quickly cut off and small shuffling was heard. 

"Y-yeah? Who is it..?" Sora spoke just barely above a whisper so he could be heard, but not risk waking anyone who could be trying to sleep through the storm. Vanitas took it as a small invite to open the door. Through the dark, he saw Sora squint his eyes slightly to see who it was, the only light being available in small flashes of lightning. 

"Vanitas? What are you doing up? are you having pains again?" Sora asked ever so innocently. The boy was well aware of the countless painful nights Vanitas has spent since his stay. Sora had such a knack of managing to get things out from him, allowing Vanitas to spill whatever his heart felt. 

"... I heard you," Vanitas spoke, staring down at Sora in the bed. He felt Sora's heart hurriedly push all those negative feelings back into hiding the best he could, however, Vanitas still felt it linger no matter how hard the brunette tried. 

"I… I don't know what you mean," Sora tried to play it dumb. Vanitas didn't feel any negative emotions directed towards him, so he knew Sora wasn't hiding because he wasn't trusted. No, it was more fear and worry that swirled around his heart. 

"Crying, you were crying," Vanitas spoke straight out, closing the bedroom door behind him. He was never good at slow talk, hell, he wasn't sure if he was good at ever possibly talking & comforting another heart like Sora somehow did so easily. Vanitas screamed at himself in his head that he didn't know what he was doing, but his heart forced him to stay otherwise, desperately reaching for Sora's. 

Sora was silent and avoided eye contact while his eyes drifted down. Twiddling his thumbs around his bed covers . The brunette was stuck for words as the light from the lightning showed the faint tear marks on his face. 

"... You don't have anything to worry about Van," Sora finally spoke out, calling Vanitas by the small nickname, similar to the way Ventus was always called by Ven, "I'm fine, but you should go get some rest." 

Vanitas didn't make any move to leave however. He didn't know how to properly feel. Vanitas was-has always been darkness, nothing Sora had taught him was able to change his mind from that standpoint. However, he no longer just felt rage and anguish as he should. Sora had reached out to him, helped start to heal his heart. Sora was his savior, but now,  _ he was hurting.  _ W hile Vanitas still hurt, he couldn't bring himself to really sit by for this. His heart wouldn't allow him and he can't fight back against it. 

"Don't throw any of that at me," Vanitas replied, stepping closer towards the bed, "I can feel it, your negative emotions. You're trying to pull them back to where they can't be seen, and that can work for anyone else, but that's nearly all I can feel." 

"Vanitas-" 

"No," Vanitas cut Sora off before sitting on the edge of the bed, his eyes now drifted down while Sora stared at him. 

"I… I don't know anything about touching hearts like you do. Comforting or healing, but pain is what I feel, and I feel it from you…" Vanitas explained, stuttering in small moments as a lump gathers in his throat, hands clenching the pants he was gifted, "and… and I don't want you feeling that way…" 

Thinking of it, Sora never always properly knew what to say whenever Vanitas or anyone would pour out their pain onto him. Maybe this time, it can be the other way around. 

"I don't know how to comfort you through any sort of words but…" Vanitas drifted off before looking at the boy in front of him, "I'm your shadow, and I'll be here." 

Sora only just stared at him, his blue eyes widened ever so slightly. Vanitas began to wonder if he did something wrong, but feeling Sora's heart, it didn't seem like it. 

Before Vanitas knew it, Sora chuckled and closed his eyes, smiling. He kept chuckling and smiling before slowly, one arm was brought up to his eyes. Covering the tears Vanitas managed to catch for only a quick second. The other arm drifted Sora's hand to his own, and Vanitas took it. Chuckles transitioned into sobs as Sora curled more into himself. Drawing his knees up and hunching his back over. 

Suddenly, Sora pulled Vanitas' hand he was holding. Their bodies pressed together as Sora wrapped his arms around him in a firm hug. He replaced the arm he was using to cover his eyes with Vanitas' shoulder. The dark half was trapped between Sora's upper body and legs, leaving him utterly frozen on the spot. Alhough, Vanitas slowly found himself relaxing. The pain in his heart from the night began to fade, as his and Sora's hearts touched through their close contact. Soon enough, his arms wrapped around Sora's own small frame. 

Vanitas watched Sora cry, and cry. His half of a heart gently reaching out and holding onto Sora's own. There wasn't any pain. Sora's tears fell like the rain pouring outside as the storm, just barely muffled the sobs. It felt strangely good however and Vanitas couldn't explain why. It almost felt like hours passed before the sobs began to slow down. Sora lifted his head up as his eyes opened, red and puffy with leftover tears still lingering inside his eyes. 

Vanitas stared into them as all sound became muffled around them. His heart pulled, pleaded to be closer. His mind became stuck within a haze as his face drifted closer. Dark tinted hands gently took in Sora's face. One carefully hung onto Sora's cheek while the other drifted back, stroking through the soft brunette hair. All on his mind and heart became only clouded with just the light in front of him. His sun kissed skin, striking blue eyes, freckles that looked like dark stars decorating his face,, and welcoming heart.

Vanitas slowly drifted his eyes to a close as he began to copy just as he always saw on that silly television, with those fake stories. Sora's gentle breath hitting his face. Vanitas felt Sora's heart clash with his own while their lips finally met. 

It was pure euphoria. Their hearts merged together, feeding off their respective elements. The warmth of Sora's breath, and the sweet scent of the beach that always lingers on him wherever he goes. Vanitas felt so at peace, he-

_BOOM!_

Thunder clashed against their ears, causing both the boys to jump & pull away, as both wide red and blue eyes met once more. Vanitas stared in absolute shock that he lost himself so easily. Lost in the thoughts that have been plaguing his mind and heart for weeks. He kept pushing them away, but in the end they crept up and _won_. 

"I shouldn't have done that," Vanitas spoke out loud as he tore his eyes away from Sora's widened blue, and stood. He can't bother trying to search Sora's heart to see how he felt when he shouldn't have these feelings in the first place. He did it with no permission no less even. Regardless any reason, he  is darkness. Darkness can't care, feel happy with peace, feel  _ love _ .

"Wait!" Sora grabbed his wrist, stopping Vanitas in his tracks before he could step too far away from the bed, "if you're worried I'm going to hate you or something, then don't, I… I liked it." 

Vanitas glanced back at Sora, seeing the smaller of the two giving him a soft smile. Of course, Sora would've liked it. He didn't have any doubt that someone that could open his to nearly everyone he meets could like him back. While the confirmation did make his heart flutter, he had to squash it down. 

"It's not that, not exactly," Vamitas replied, turning his head back away, staring down at his feet. 

"Then what?" 

" _ I _ can't do this… I can't do  _ that _ ," Vanitas brought his free hand up into his view and clenched it, "I'm darkness. I can't love, I shouldn't be allowed to feel happy like that. All I am is just negative emotions…" 

Vanitas glared at his hand as darkness began to swirl around it. Few Flood Unversed began spawning inside the room. He wished he could just destroy them. Tear Sora's hand away, give himself pain and remind himself what he truly was. However, before he could anything close to those actions, Sora pulled onto his wrist, turning him back around and pulling him down close enough for another kiss. 

Vanitas' eyes widened and he froze on the spot. The sudden action left him stunned while Sora's heart reached out to his. Their hearts clung back onto each other savoring in the moment before Sora pulled away. Not wanting to give Vanitas the chance to pull away first, the brunette grabbed onto onto the darker half's other wrist. 

"And who says you aren't allowed to," Sora spoke to him in a serious tone that he only brought out for his classic 'My friends are my Power' speeches. Blue eyes staring him down despite being below. 

"I'm-" 

"No. You may be darkness, but you  _ can _ love. You just showed you can, you've been showing it a lot recently even. You've grown to care despite these stupid rules you put up for yourself.  _ You can love Vanitas,"  _ Sora smiled once more, bringing his hand up to rest upon Vanitas' cheek. His hand felt so warm and comforting against his cold skin, "any heart can love…" 

Silence surrounded the room then as the storm calmed down. The lightning and thunder faded off while the wind became a gentle breeze. The rain lightened up, and became a gentle beat against the house.

Vanitas put up no struggle as Sora pulled him back down into the bed, under the covers. The few Flood that spawned following their lead onto the furniture. Sora guided his way o lay with him. Once content, the two let their legs tangle together as they both circled their arms around each other. The Unversed laid on top of the covers, curling up like cats before fading back to their Master. Vanitas looked at Sora with one last uncertainty, only for the brunette to squash it immediately as he bumped their heads together. 

Soon enough, Vanitas closed his eyes as he guided himself to kiss down upon Sora's head. Then his cheek, the crook of his neck, his hand, before back to the lips. His heart fluttered about with each kiss before bursting with Sora's at the last. 

There was no pain that night, or anymore after. 

Maybe… maybe a Darkness could learn to love. 

**Author's Note:**

> -Vanitas has red eyes because I love the idea they're his original eyes. 
> 
> -Sora was crying so late because of nightmares and the storm didn't help much thanks to a little PTSD from the time the Islands fell to darkness. 
> 
> -The time set during this established Story is basically half a year or so cause I'm sure Vanitas would actually take a lot of work to be redeemable, and to grow his feelings for Sora. 
> 
> -This is the first time I'm having the guts to actually post a drabble of pretty much my favorite rarepair. I've just been craving some Vanso fluff.


End file.
